One Haughty Valentine's Day
by Izaya-chi
Summary: V-day fic! Aizen decides to hand out naughty coupon books to two Espada to give to an Espada of his choice in order to fill his wicked desire meaning he'll be viewing them through the surveillance like a reality show. GrimmUlqui, SzaNnoi, soft AiGin Too bad I couldn't update on Thanksgiving, but I'm shooting for Xmas now for a third holiday one!
1. I: What Kind of Gift is This?

**Disclaimer: **I do not, in any way shape or form, own _Bleach_ (for if I would this would've long since happened by now teehee~) otherwise this would not be a _fan_-fiction.

**Author's Note: **I know I should be working on _Trouble Clef_ and all, but I _really_ wanted to make a v-day fanfic xD So enjoy, all! And yes, this will end up being several chapters because of all the coupons lol and don't expect any AiGin sex, because I'm not going there! They only 'tease' each other, lol…

**One Haughty Valentine's Day**

I

What Kind of Gift is This?

Aizen Sōsuke leaned back in his throne, contemplating on how to entertain himself for the next week or month depending on how long it'll take Soul Society to get their shit together for the war.

"Aizen-sama, do you know what today is?" Ichimaru Gin appeared behind Aizen, giving his usual sly-fox smile and leaning over to study Aizen's expression.

"Of course I do." Aizen wasn't about to let Gin know that he had no idea.

"Then what day is it?"

"Tuesday." Aizen tricked him.

Gin wanted to face palm, "well, yes, but why is today special?"

"Because it makes us one day closer to accomplishing my goal now would you cut the games already?" He was starting to get annoyed with Gin's presence.

"Today is what humans refer to as Valentine's Day! You know, where a female gives her lover chocolates or something _extra_ special? Or it is known as Singles Awareness Day," Gin opened his arms out wide and twirled around like a ballerina.

"I knew that," Aizen turned his head and gave Gin his signature smile, daring Gin to question his knowledge. Then suddenly, an idea popped up into Aizen's head—a very _naughty_ idea. "Valentine's Day, eh? This might not actually be so bad…"

Gin's smile _almost_ faltered, and he grew very weary of Aizen's flaring reiatsu. "W-what are you plotting, Aizen-sama…?"

"It is nothing of your concern, Gin, just a form of entertainment is all." Aizen snapped out of his reverie.

Gin sighed, relieved that he wasn't going to be harmed, "oooo I _love_ entertainment—especially the x-rated kind, teehee."

Aizen chuckled darkly, "believe me, this will be _x-rated_ alright. Now how's about going to the human world to fetch me something, Gin?"

**Ulquiorra's POV**

Ulquiorra was a little curious as to why Aizen wanted him back in the throne room after he was just there a few moments ago turning in his latest mission. Did he do something wrong? Was Aizen displeased with him? All questions would be answered once he reached the room, he supposed.

He blinked when he spotted Szayelapporo entering the throne room. _How peculiar, I wonder if he wants us to go on a team mission or something, _Ulquiorra contemplated. Why Szayelapporo, he did not know. He finally reached the door and walked in behind Szayelapporo.

Szayelapporo turned around to face his follower and only smiled when he saw that bored expression, "Ah, Ulquiorra, what a surprise…"

He just stared at him and curtly walked past to stand before his master; Aizen Sōsuke. Szayelapporo 'humphed' at Ulquiorra's attitude, but reluctantly stood next to him.

"Good afternoon, Ulquiorra, Szayelapporo," Aizen greeted them in what he thought was a warm gesture. "As you both should know, today is Valentine's Day. Do you know what that means?" Ulquiorra had no idea what the man was going on about but nodded anyways. Next to him, Szayelapporo gave a small smirk.

"Excellent," Aizen clapped, "then you won't need an explanation when I hand you _these_." He motioned for Gin to step forth and hand Ulquiorra and Szayelapporo each a small rectangular present box. Ulquiorra examined the metallic pink with a white bow wrapped present, confused.

"Now I want you to hand that to Grimmjow," Aizen pointed at Ulquiorra. "And you to hand that one to Nnoitra," he pointed at Szayelapporo.

"May I ask why, Aizen-sama?" Ulquiorra blinked, still confused as to why Aizen didn't just call them in here and give it to them instead of having them be the 'delivery boys'.

"You will very soon find out, Ulquiorra. Now off you go, you don't want to keep them waiting, do you?" Aizen flicked out his hand.

"Suspicious…" Szayelapporo pushed up his spectacles, but headed out after Ulquiorra anyways, not wanting to disobey his master's wishes no matter how odd they are. Ulquiorra and Szayelapporo looked at each other as if they had a 'moment of understanding' then went their separate ways.

Ulquiorra continued down the hallway with a passive look on his face until he reached the door with a gothic number six on it. He pulled his free hand out of his pocket and knocked four times on the door (thought that would give the Sexta a clue of who was there, being the Cuarta Espada and all). He received a growl from the other side and then a 'go away!'. "I am here on Aizen's orders, surely you understand what that means, Sexta."

"I could give less of a fuck!" A hiss resounded.

"Do you really wish to disobey Aizen's wishes?"

"Tch, not really I just don't wanna see you in particular, you know you're everyones least favorite Espada, right?" Grimmjow actually opened the door and frowned upon seeing him.

"I could care less how trash think, now Aizen sent me to give you this." He thrust the present at Grimmjow's chest.

"The hell? Why didn't he just send for me instead of making you deliver it, and why the fuck would he ever give me a present in the first place?" He snatched the present anyways and snapped at Ulquiorra.

"Why don't you ask him yourself because I haven't the slightest idea." And then he was gone.

Szayelapporo went inside his lab to check up on his latest experiment before he delivered that present to Nnoitra, when said Espada reared the corner and leaned against his door frame, the perverted smirk very evident upon his face.

"Knock, knock baby cakes. How's my pink princess faring as of late?"

"I was just about to go looking for you, seeing as though you weren't in your room." He carefully removed a sample out of a test tube with tongs and replaced it.

"Oh were you planning something naughty, M'dear?" If possible, his perverse grin grew even wider.

"Not quite," he snatched the present off his work table and turned to walk towards Nnoitra. "Aizen wanted me to give you this present for some odd reason, I do find this very suspicious though, so be cautious when you open it because you never know what can jump out at you." He handed the present to Nnoitra who gladly accepted it.

"Oooooo how interesting—a present for me! I apologize for ever doubting you, Aizen-sama!" He chuckled darkly and headed out the door, forgetting what he was gonna do to Szayelapporo.

"Thank goodness he's gone, now back to my lab!" He still wondered what was in the present, though…

**Meanwhile, in the surveillance room…**

Aizen ran his hand through his hair for the twenty-eighth time that day, a frown evident on his face. Why couldn't they have just handed them the presents without mentioning his name? Now the idiots are gonna come running to him for an explanation. He expected just as much from Ulquiorra to mention his name, but Szayelapporo do the same? He thought he of all people would've 'got it'. Oh, well—what's done is done. He lifted his tea cup up to his face and slowly sipped it before he headed back out to the throne room.

Grimmjow Jeagerjaques didn't know what to think or say as he stared at the content of the present: a small booklet that clearly said "Sex RX: 22 prescriptions for a racy night" on it with a picture of a slutty nurse holding a shot in a haughty manner that very much reminded him of Szayel—what with the half-lidded eyes and all.

"Da fuck…?" he lifted the booklet out of the box and let it dangle between his thumb and forefinger. He dropped it in his other hand and flipped to the second page, knowing the first was just another title page. It read: "Let Me Show you Where It Hurts: this coupon is good for a slow and sexy striptease."

He flung the booklet across the room, "sick fuck! I'm gonna fucking kill 'im!" He opened his door and slammed it behind him, ready to hear some answers alright.

Nnoitra Gilga silently shut his bedroom door behind him, excited to see what was inside his present. What he saw when he opened it, however, rendered him speechless: inside a rectangular box was a small pink booklet titled "Steamy: 22 naughty ideas _sure to turn up the heat_". "Oh Aizen," he smiled mischievously, "have you really outdone yourself this time."

**After that all that was heard from Mr. Gilga's room was the most terrifying perverse laugh one could ever imagine.**

"What the _fuck _is this?" Grimmjow flung the raunchy booklet at Aizen.

"Refrain from suing such vile language when before me, Sexta," Aizen picked up the booklet off his lap and read the back.

"What is it?" Grimmjow snarled in impatience.

"Well I believe it is what it says here on the back: '22 Sexy Coupons to Cure that Fever! The Doctor Is In.' isn't it?" Aizen gave his usual "warm" smile.

"You know damn well what I really mean, now stop fucking with me!" He roared in outrage.

"You really do need to learn how to control your temper, Sexta, now I didn't give this to you to offend you it was simply an act of kindness. As for why I had Ulquiorra give it to you—because I _know_ you're going to ask that next—that's because he is the one that you will be turning the coupons into—not me. Aren't I kind to let you have your way with an obvious virgin, and a damn sexy one at that, who you would've never dreamed of ever fucking before because he is way beyond your league?"

Grimmjow just stared at him with his jaw dropped; speechless.

"I'll take that as yes," Aizen tossed the booklet back to Grimmjow, who caught it in a robotic manner. "Have a Happy Valentine's Day, Grimmjow!"

Grimmjow just slowly turned around, shock still evident on his face, and mechanically walked out.

"Aizen-sama, why didn't I get one of those booklets?" Gin pouted.

"Once again, Gin, that would leave me very vulnerable and I only gave those two booklets so that I'd have something interesting to watch in the surveillance room." Aizen smiled "warmly".

"Awwwww, poop…"

_That sick fuck is just looking for some kind of sick enjoyment out of this, _Grimmjow mentally screamed while on his way to his quarters. _Like hell would I ever fuck that stoic-ass! I can already picture him charging a cero at me once I touch him, but then he'd realize he wouldn't be able to release it because this was 'Aizen's orders' and he wouldn't be able to stop me from marring his perfect ivory skin and roughly kissing his dual-colored lips until I finally take his doll-frame under the moonlight shone in his room. Now that I think about it, that doesn't sound all too bad after all._

A sadistic grin played upon Grimmjow's lips as he found himself passing up his quarters and on his way to Ulquiorra's for a sweet surprise. He took the booklet out of his pocket and started flipping through the pages to find the perfect one. _Nope, nope, nope, not that one, nope, and ah—perfect! _He tore his desired coupon out of the booklet and shoved it back in his pocket just as he reached his new destination. He reached up his free hand and rapped hard on the door, surprised at how fast Ulquiorra opened the door, though just enough to reveal his face only.

"What do you want, Sexta?"

"This," he slipped the paper through the opening of the door and watched Ulquiorra cautiously take it and read it aloud:

"Doctor's Orders: Tell me what sexy things you want me to do tonight—I'll make it happen." It wasn't sexy at all coming from monotone Ulquiorra, but he would deal with it since he looked like a doll.

"Look familiar?"

"What is this?"

"It's that present you gave me."

"Correction: Aizen-sama gave you whatever this is."

"Surely you didn't think that Aizen would have you specifically hand this to me for nothing, right?"

"I don't understand."

"Look," he grabbed the edge of the door and opened it all the way only to walk in and then close it behind him. "I don't know what's up with Aizen and personally I think he's just trying to fulfill some sick desire of his, but he gave you this present to give to me because he wanted it to be _from_ you—that I use the present on _you_ and not _him_. Here's the full thing:" he pulled the booklet out of his pocket and showed it to Ulquiorra who carefully read the cover.

"No…_why_," Ulquiorra actually allowed his eyes to go wide, which Grimmjow took pleasure in seeing that impenetrable mask break-if only for just a few short moments.

"Oh, _yes_. I guess Aizen just doesn't love you anymore to allow this to happen to you! Count yourself lucky that I only want to make out today." Grimmjow let out a maniacal laugh while Ulquiorra stood stock-still and re-pocketed his new _treasure_. He stopped laughing and pulled Ulquiorra close to him, lifted up his chin and dipped his head downwards to claim those lips his, having to angle his head a certain way so that his hollow remnant wouldn't interfere. Grimmjow never thought he'd ever give a 'sweet' kiss to someone—but he did this time, breaking it after fifteen seconds of Ulquiorra just standing there. "Aren't _you_ supposed to be the one entertaining _me_? It says so right here on the coupon: '_I'll _make it happen'."

"I…I don't know _how_," Ulquiorra looked downcast, a slight blush hinted on his right cheek. _Cuuuuute…!_

Grimmjow sighed and scratched the back of his head, "weeeeeeeell, I don't really know how to explain it to ya—just follow what your instincts entail; whatever your body tells ya to do—I'm sure you'll get it right, everybody does when facing their first time."

"Ok, then…" Grimmjow dipped down for a second time, not hesitating to go full out. When he finally felt Ulquiorra start to get the hang of it, he licked Ulquiorra's bottom lip vigorously, earning him a surprise gasp. He darted his tongue in, anxious to explore the inner caverns of Ulquiorra's mouth. He smirked when Ulquiorra's tongue pushed his, determined to force the intrusion out. _So you're a tongue battler, eh, Ulquiorra? No matter—I love a challenge. _So he fought back with full force, earning him a whine from his inexperienced partner which only turned him on in the process. He wrapped his arms around Ulquiorra's waist, pulling him closer to and smiling when he felt Ulquiorra's arms snake around his neck and twirl his hair. He was about to take it up another notch until the door suddenly squeaked open and they both jumped back several feet—Ulquiorra smoothing out his pants and Grimmjow ruffling his hair back into place.

"Hey Ulquiorra, have you see—what were you two just doing?" Nnoitra's head popped in and smile perversely.

"Training." They said in unison.

"Mmmmhmmm, sure doesn't look that way I can always tell when someone's about to _get it on_." He cackled and his smile grew broader, "anyways! Since Grimmy's already here I guess I'll just ask you this: did Aizen perchance give you a mysterious 'present'?"

"Actually—he did, but he had Ulquiorra give it to me and I finally found out _why_."

"So there's a special reason, then? Because I knew took Aizen for the kinky type if ya know what I mean wink, wink."

"You are so screwed up in the head…" Grimmjow shook his head in disapproval, "so I am assuming that you got the coupon booklet, too? Nurses were never my forte…"

"Is that what yours is? Mine says 'Steamy' and I got it from a certain _pink-haired wonder_. So I just turn it into him then, I'm assuming?"

"Yep—now go away already." Grimmjow growled, suddenly very aware of Nnoitra's presence.

"Alright, alright I'll give you two your privacy for your, er, _training_." Nnoitra winked at that, "I have a certain pink-haired Espada to go 'prod' at in the meantime, play nice kinky kitten and baby bat—tata!" Nnoitra licked his lips and vanished from the crack, not bothering to shut the door.

"Teme…" Grimmjow walked over and slammed the door shut, making sure to lock it this time. "Well, shall we continue then?"

**To Be Continued…**

**Author's E/N: **I tried _really _hard to get this up on valentine's Day, but so many conflicts came up: I was sick (not a surprise) and missed school so im wrote it in the middle of my mind-blowing sickness (Dx), but then I remembered that it was the last day for musical aud.s and it ran all the way til six and then I was starving and needed sustenance and had to finish the chapter also (bc I ended up doing other things like napping and going to Walgreen's for proper medicine) and so I ended up arriving at the library at exactly 8:01pm when our lib closes at nine and I would've finished it in time if not for my handicap—I had cut my middle finger on the faucet that day before, how convenient I know -.- lol ah well at least it's up the day after!


	2. II: Getting Started

**Disclaimer: **I do not, in any way shape or form, own _Bleach_ (for if I would this would've long since happened by now teehee~) otherwise this would not be a _fan_-fiction.

**Real Rating:** This is rated **M**, kiddies~!

_By the way, this is __**not**__beta read__ for I do not have a beta. (Personally, I don't think I really need one at all)_

**One Haughty Valentine's Day**

II

Getting Started

Grimmjow snaked his arms around Ulquiorra's tiny waist and pulled him really close to his body.

Ulquiorra looked up at him in surprise only to have Grimmjow's tan lips crash into his lips. He kissed him with such brute force and lustful need that he felt he would bruise up. Grimmjow led him—while still keeping up the heated kiss—to the bed and pushed him on it. Ulquiorra blinked and scooted upwards when Grimmjow got on and loomed over him. "What are you doing, Sexta?' You said that we were just going to, quote, "make out", unqote. This looks like you're changing aspects or something.

"Did I?" He tilted his head then grinned after a short hesitation. "Guess I lied." He prowled much like how a big cat traps their live prey and launched his head downward into the crook of Ulquiorra's neck, biting down hard.

Ulquiorra bit down on his lip to trap the yelp behind them and glared over at the wild n' bright blue hair now protruding from his neck. He blinked when he suddenly remembered something from earlier and flipped Grimmjow over so that he was on top. "Whatever happened to the "tell _me_ what sexy things you want _me_ to do tonight—_I'll_ make it happen"?"

"Che, well it's not like you know what to do—you said so yourself—and I'd rather _not_ be fucking bottom, bitch!" He growled at the mere shameful thought of it.

"…you just pulled a Nnoitra, you know." He let his eyes drink in the sight of Grimmjow's sexy body beneath him before he was flipped again.

"Don't ever compare me to _spoon-head_! Now I'm gonna take ya hard _just_ for that!" He snarled and ripped off Ulquiorra's black sash. The piece landed elegantly on the floor beside the bed and was soon followed by Ulquiorra's hakama and top.

"In a rush now, are we Sexta?" Ulquiorra didn't even bother with asking why he was naked or what he meant by "hard".

"Just you wait, _Cuarta_, you'll be sorry you compared me to that _thing_ very soon," he said while undoing his own sash and slipped down his hakama to expose his erect cock. He lifted up Ulquiorra's thin legs to expose his puckered entrance and wrapped them around his waist. He slapped his pale ass just for fun and found enjoyment in watching his red hand-print fade away while positioning himself. Ulquiorra pierced his lips and dimmed his eyes. "Prepare for the blow, _bitch_." Grimmjow mocked then forced his member into the small hole and squinted at the insane tightness and heat surrounding it. "_Fuck_!"

Ulquiorra covered his mouth with his hand to squelch his scream and squeezed his eyes tightly shut.

Grimmjow turned his gaze from his current task to Ulquiorra's face and grinned deviously. "Painful, isn't it?" He could feel the muscles around him rip the further he went in and soon enough, a warm liquid enveloped his cock, too.

Ulquiorra gripped the bed sheet beneath him with his free hand and peeked open one eye at Grimmjow. His face was set into a small frown and he was already sweating. _Does it cause you pain, too, bastard?_

Grimmjow noticed him looking and grinned again. "Oh this is nothing," he read his mind; "I suggest you hold onto me for the next part, though, 'les you want your head to hit the bed post. Then again, you do have that crazy helm or yours for protection so I guess you're alright."

_What…..?_ Grimmjow pulled out of him then slammed back into him with brute force. Ulquiorra threw back his head and screamed like a bitch bat, his hand slipping down his face to eventually land back at his side.

"That's right, scream for me baby! Ah-hahahaha_ha_!" Grimmjow laughed hysterically then replaced it with a groan as he sped up his pace.

Ulquiorra threw his arms around Grimmjow and dug his nails into his back. He shook his head back-and-forth and continued to scream, tears pricking at the ends of his eyes.

64

**Outside of the surveillance room…**

Stark was calmly taking a stroll down the hallway after a long nap when he heard screams coming from the surveillance room and could overall feel two perverse reiatsus behind it. "I don't even _want_ to know what they're watching…" he mumbled.

← **. →**

Ulquiorra stopped screaming and moaned when Grimmjow went deeper and ended up hitting a squishy spot as a result. "Nnnn, what is that…?"

"Your prostrate, dumbass," Grimmjow continued his brutal pounding into it and took to watching Ulquiorra's expressions. The most adorable blush graced his deathly-pale cheeks and his eyes glazed over with lust. He started to release small mewls which only made Grimmjow harder. _Shit, I'm not gonna last much longer…_

Ulquiorra squirmed and blinked, for he couldn't process what the uncomfortably pent-up feeling in his groin was. Other than how hot it was, he knew he had to release whatever it was. He panted and squinted his eyes, forcing the load to exit. A cloud-white liquid sprayed from his erection and onto Grimmjow's toned stomach (including the hollow hole).

"Oh that's just great; you got some of your stuff in my hole!" He grunted and released his seed deep inside Ulquiorra. He threw back his head and sighed, reminiscing in the after-glow. He eventually pulled out of Ulquiorra and rolled off of him onto his back, still trying t catch his breath.

"T-think about h-how disgusting I feel, w-with _your_ stuff i-inside my ass…" Ulquiorra panted and looked over at Grimmjow, who was also looking straight at him. Cerulean eyes met emerald ones and almost drowned in the deep, green sea that they possessed.

"Ha…I'm staying here tonight—too tired to move." He rolled over onto his left side and grinned at Ulquiorra.

"Whatever, suit yourself," he went to lay on his left side to stare at the wall, but instantly remembered that his helm was on that side and had to turn the other way and face Grimmjow.

"Heh, having that helm has gotta suck I bet. Well mine isn't really any better, either—do you know how difficult it is to wash under it? I have to release Pantera just so that I can wash my face! Not to mention the itching…" he trailed off when he noticed that Ulquiorra had shut his eyes and was ignoring him. He suddenly pulled him into a bear hug/cuddle and started purring.

"…this is only because Aizen-sama allotted you to do this…" he mumbled monotonously into Grimmjow's chest and hugged back.

Grimmjow snapped open his eyes and stopped purring. "…great way to ruin the moment, Ulqui."

**Just when these two were getting started, Nnoitra was on his way to a certain scientist's lab…**

Nnoitra hummed to himself and flipped through his new prized possession. He wanted to make sure he found the _best_ one for the holiday. So far, they were all turning out to be quite naughty so the decision was pretty hard. He finally decided on one that agreed to his advantages more than the others and tore it out. He stopped in front of the isolated door with a gothic number eight on it and knocked. _I swear he has the biggest dorm of all…_

"Give me a few moments!" Szayelapporo shouted behind the door and he heard a bunch of clinking noises. _Kinda curious just what the hell he does in there._ The door finally opened to reveal a flustered Szayelapporo. "Do you need something, Nnoitra?"

"Oh, so I _need_ something," he leaned against the door frame and flashed a lecherous smile.

Szayelapporo sighed then daintily placed a hand on his hip in a sassy manner and cocked an eyebrow impatiently. "Get to the point."

"Here, examine this," Nnoitra handed the pink-haired scientist his booklet to observe.

"Steamy: 22 naughty ideas _sure to turn up the heat_. What the hell is this? It sounds raunchy," he flipped through the coupons and his eyes almost popped out of their sockets.

"Remember that present you gave me earlier from Aizen? Well that was in it. Now before you go on with "what does this have to do with me?", I just have to say that Aizen made you give that to me for a reason. Look inside on the first page and read what it says _in Aizen's handwriting_." Nnoitra explained.

"To: Nnoitra Gilga; From: Szayelapporo Grantz. Huh? Does that mean that you turn these dirty things into _me_?" Szayelapporo gawked and thrust the booklet back at him.

Nnoitra nodded and pushed back off the door frame. He put the booklet back in his left pocket and produced a torn coupon from his right pocket. "Here's to a happy Valentine's day, Szayel!" He handed it to the nervous scientist and beamed.

Szayelapporo hesitantly took the coupon and gulped before he read it aloud. "Present this coupon and I'll fulfill your _hottest fantasy_. Just whisper it in my ear, and I'll make it happen." The words "hottest fantasy" were in pink text and had a pretty cursive font.

"Yep, you're my bitch tonight, baby." He zoned in on Szayelapporo—who backed up in fear—and closed the door shut behind them.

Szayelapporo retired to his wheelie chair and looked up at the giant that was Nnoitra. Nnoitra leaned downwards and placed both hands on the armrests of Szayelapporo's chair.

He leaned forward and whispered into his right ear, "_spoil me rotten, babe, I wanna pop your cherry on a lab table—covered in mysterious solutions_."

Szayelapporo blinked a few times then sank down in depression. "Fuck me…."

"Gladly," Nnoitra winked and scooped up Szayelapporo out of the seat, tossing him to hang over his shoulder. He walked over to a random shelf filled with beakers of unknown experiments and started to toss them onto an open lab table behind him.

"W-what the hell are you _doing_?" Szayelapporo screeched and pounded on Nnoitra's back as glass shattered on the table and an array of different colored liquids painted it a cool rainbow tie-dye.

"That should be good enough," Nnoitra slid Szayelapporo off of his shoulder and began to strip him. Szayelapporo pushed at him, bitched, and crossed his legs over the other to hide his family jewels. "Shy, are we? Now stop struggling—you're supposed to make it _happen_, remember?" He sprawled him out on the table, picked up the wrist straps and wrapped them around Szayelapporo's thin wrists. "Heh, oh how the tables have turned for you, _doctor_."

Szayelapporo's glared at him as he removed his parachute pants and gawked at the sight, too engrossed at the size of his length to stop Nnoitra from spreading open his legs. "Your dick is _huge_! Just like yourself; how the hell do you not accidentally sit on it?"

"_Your_ dick has a fucking hole in it! So that's where your hole and tatt were hiding—_what the fuck_! Aizen is fucking _sick_! And that is saying something!" Nnoitra flailed then ran a hand down his face. "Oh well, it'll have to do in the end." He looked back down at Szayelapporo and did a double-take: Szayelapporo was panting and moaning like a slut with a deep blush on his face and his skin was glowing purple. "What the fuck happened to _you_, bitch?"

Szayelapporo turned his lust-filled eyes up and Nnoitra and parted his lips to speak. "You're the one that threw random experiments all over the table without my consent and fucking _laid_ me in them, and now you care?" He threw his head back and groaned, bucking his hips into the air subconsciously.

Nnoitra frowned then grinned mischievously, "well this is gonna make it more fun now, isn't it? Whatever the fuck was in that stuff sure made you _horny_, huh?" He crawled onto the table and placed both legs and hands on either side of Szayelapporo. He dove down and bit into Szayelapporo's perked nipple. Szayelapporo yelped at the sudden pain and Nnoitra took the opportunity to shove three fingers in his mouth. "Cover 'em good, bitch!"

The horny Szayelapporo happily complied and even sucked on them like a lollipop in a lusty daze. His foot suddenly slipped in a dark blue substance and he gasped, releasing Nnoitra's fingers.

Nnoitra pulled back his fingers, ignored him, and busied himself with creating hickeys all over Szayelapporo's neck. It wasn't until he felt something thin snake down the back of his head that he stopped. He lifted up into a sitting position on top of Szayelapporo and furrowed his brow (the other is missing because of his hollow remnant). Szayelapporo's pink hair was growing longer at a quick pace before his eye (also only one for same reason). "The fuck?"

Szayelapporo lifted his head and blushed again, "s-some experiments take l-longer to affect y-you—oh!" He groaned, lolled his head back and bucked his hips again.

Nnoitra shrugged and moved his legs in between Szayelapporo's, having to spread them apart again to make room. He lifted Szayelapporo's legs so that they were bent upward then slipped a finger into his tight rectum. He wiggled it around and leaned forward to meet Szayelapporo's lips with his own, for he hadn't kissed somebody in a long time. He slipped his tongue in when Szayelapporo opened his mouth to let out release another moan and a second finger into his ass as well, scissoring them between the heated inner walls. He caressed Szayelapporo's tongue with his own really long one, willing it to life.

Szayelapporo sweated from the mix of pain and pleasure and licked underneath Nnoitra's tongue. A stream of saliva travelled down his chin and he clutched at the Velcro straps around his wrists when Nnoitra added a third and fourth finger in at the same time. He winced when his thumb was forced in, too, and pulled back from the messy kiss. "Just how big is your penis?" He yelled at him, not exactly liking the idea of having his whole hand up his ass.

"Pretty big, but I usually do everything in fives like my rank, so deal." Nnoitra laughed devilishly and removed his hand.

"I'm going to be extremely sore in the morning…"

Nnoitra grabbed each one of Szayelapporo's legs and threw them over his shoulders.

_I hope this torture ends soon_, Szayelapporo panted and wished that he could tend to his throbbing member's needs.

Nnoitra positioned himself and scooped up some of the purple liquid beside him to use as lube.

Szayelapporo watched Nnoitra coat his erection in the purple substance, horrified. "Are you _nuts_? You don't know what that stuff can do!"

"We'll find out soon enough, so don't worry about it," he winked and slipped his hard cock in the somehow-still-tight entrance.

"Of course I'm going to worry it's going inside m—mmmmnnnngh," he moaned when Nnoitra entered him and licked his lips, lapping up some of the drool still on his lips.

Nnoitra continued to push in further, but stopped when he hit Szayelapporo's soft spot—and he was only three quarters of the way in! "You're too small, Szayel."

"Um, no, you're too _big_!" He groaned and rolled his head to the right. "I-I'm perfectly normal, mind you—the perfect being indeed."

Nnoitra rolled his eye and pulled out to begin his harsh thrusting.

Szayelapporo bitched and moaned throughout the rough ride, losing count of how much longer his hair was going to grow, for it was already covering a quarter of his lab's width. He also didn't even notice that his skin had begun to change many shades of colors.

"Again, _the fuck_?" Nnoitra breathed out and pounded into Szayelapporo's prostrate mercilessly for the umpteenth time. "Maybe it's a result of the purple stuff."

"W-what a-are you…going on abou…" he lifted his head and stared at his colorful skin. "N-no, I actually…nngh, recognize…this one—it w-was lime…green…ah~" He released his load onto Nnoitra's abdomen, unable to suppress it any further.

"Couldn't hold it any longer?" Nnoitra thrust in even harder, "that's too bad, because I've still a while yet, baby~"

_Good heavens, this is going to take forever! Now whatever that purple substance was will definitely have a chance to greatly affect me!_ Szayelapporo whined in fear for his health, but was drowned out by a loud moan when Nnoitra hit his prostrate again.

58

**Up in the surveillance room…**

" I don't know which one is more interesting to watch, camera four or eight…" Ichimaru Gin rubbed his chin in contemplation.

"Well camera four is interesting because Ulquiorra _never_ makes expressions and it is fun to watch him suffer while camera eight has a very interesting way of sex, it is hilarious to see the different reactions that Szayelapporo takes on from his crazy products," Aizen leaned back in his seat and smiled perversely.

"You read my mind, Aizen-taicho," Gin smiled while watching the mini Szayelapporo on the screen change colors.

Aizen leaned forward and pressed the "record" button on camera four and eight. "I have to watch those screams again sometime…."

"You sadist."

58

Nnoitra slipped his hand behind Szayelapporo's head and brought him into another heated kiss, picking up his pace after slowing down for a short-lived five seconds.

Szayelapporo bit Nnoitra's tongue in protest, but he just laughed off the pain. "_Feisty_," he cackled and licked Szayelapporo's cheek.

"Ew…" Szayelapporo made a disgusted expression, but his blushes only made him look embarrassed.

"Cute, but it won't get you out of this any faster—I haven't had a good fuck in ages," Nnoitra smirked and prolonged his brute thrusts.

Szayelapporo panted from the insane heat and felt that he was beginning to become dehydrated. At least the color-changing skin thing had worn off. He would have to work on that one.

"Szayelapporo, Szayelapporo!" Lumina bounded out of nowhere and stopped before the table. "You're not Szayelapporo. You too pwetty an not slutty enough to be Szayelapporo." Luimina blinked then hopped away in the opposite direction. "Szayelapporo, Szayelapporo—where are you, Szayelapporo?"

"Just what is that supposed to mean? Get back here you little…!" Szayelapporo lifted up his head and screeched like a harpy as usual to his idiot fracción.

Nnoitra laughed so hard he almost released his load. "Woah, that was a close one~"

Szayelapporo let his head fall back on the table and cried out as he released his newly built-up load. He arched his back and watched it cover his old semen on Nnoitra's abdomen.

"Losing your hold on your stuff, babe?" Nnoitra flashed an evil grin. Szayelapporo just glared at him.

Szayelapporo suddenly felt two furry things pop up out of nowhere on his head and something long and fuzzy protrude from above his rectum and brush against Nnoitra's cock when he pulled out for a hard thrust.

Nnoitra froze, "the fuck is that?" He looked down at his erection and back up at Szayelapporo's face. "Szayel, you've grown a pair!"

"Just what is _that_ s-s-supposed to m-mean?" He growled/moaned.

"You got a bubble-gum pink cat tail and ears!" Nnoitra laughed and proceeded to fuck him again.

"Oh that's j-just—ngh—great!" He spoke sarcastically and groaned. _I hope there isn't a meeting tomorrow…_

Nnoitra stopped and grunted as he released his seed inside of Szayelapporo.

"Y-you finally stopped?" He panted and cocked an eyebrow at Nnoitra. His newly grown ears twitched in response and his tail snaked around the exposed part of Nnoitra's cock.

"Yeah your cat ears made me hornier and I couldn't hold it any—and would you cut that out? You're making me horny again!" He struggled to unravel Szayelapporo's tail from his penis.

"It's not like I can control it, dumbass. And I'll have you know that I didn't get a chance to release my third load so if you suck me off, maybe I'll return the favor," he smiled innocently and batted his lashes, his cat ears twitching to enhance it.

"Nah, I'm good. Well I'm a go now, it was fun fucking ya!" He flashed his notorious smile, pulled out of Szayelapporo, jumped off of the table and started to dress.

"Hey, aren't you going to release me from these straps?" Szayelapporo turned his head and stared at him, still trying to catch his breath.

"Hmmmm?" Nnoitra half-turned to face him. "Nah, I dun feel like it," he winked and skipped to the door.

"_What_? You can't just do that! Untie me this instant!" Nnoitra laughed at him and opened the door. "Hey get back here—hey I'm talking to you!" He exited. "Bastard…_Lumina_!" ■


	3. III: Consistent, Are We?

**Disclaimer: **I do not, in any way shape or form, own _Bleach_ (for if I would this would've long since happened by now teehee~) otherwise this would not be a _fan_-fiction.

**Real Rating:** This is rated **M**, kiddies~!

_By the way, this is __**not**__beta read__ for I do not have a beta. (Personally, I don't think I really need one at all) And I also apologize for a little OOC-ness if you think they are acting unusual don't be afraid to warn me—I MIGHT fix it up ._

**One Haughty Valentine's Day**

III

Consistent, Are We?

**6**

Grimmjow managed to wake up before Ulquiorra and expertly removed his arms from around him without awakening him. He slipped off of the bed and picked up his pants. He stuck his hand in the pocket and produced the coupon booklet. Flipping through the pages, he sneakily lay back down on the bed and tore out the page he desired. He tossed the booklet back over the edge of the bed and rolled onto his side to face Ulquiorra, awaiting his awakening.

**4**

Ulquiorra woke up to Grimmjow's smiling face and almost frowned, memories of last night flooding back into his head. Suddenly, Grimmjow thrust a colorful half piece of paper in his face. He snatched the paper, read "…And Call Me in the Morning: Turn in this coupon for a round of hot wake-up sex.", and glared at him.

Grimmjow laughed, "I love how you're showing some expressions to me lately."

"Lucky you," Ulquiorra huffed and rolled over onto his stomach. "Just…make it quick, okay?" He turned his head and gave his most adorably pout as if that would persuade him.

It did.

"Cute…alright, but you better not try to hide those cute little mewls of yours," Grimmjow pulled a snarky grin and chuckled darkly.

Ulquiorra just stared at him with his usual indifference and dropped his head face-first into the pillow beneath him.

Grimmjow lifted Ulquiorra's arse, spread his pale cheeks and stuck a finger in his hole to experiment. Cold semen trailed out after his finger. "Meh," he sucked on two of his fingers, pulled them out with a _pop!_then slipped them both back into Ulquiorra's anus. There wasn't much to stretch since he was still pretty torn from the previous night. He pulled back out his fingers and watched a small drizzle of red come out also. "Damn…" He shrugged and repositioned himself before Ulquiorra. He grabbed Ulquiorra's hips to hold him steady and easily slipped in. "Fuck, you're still tight as hell, Ulqui…" He pulled Ulquiorra upwards and backwards so that he was sitting in his lap.

"What kind of position is this?" Ulquiorra inhaled sharply from the painful feeling of the invader up his behind.

"I want you to ride me, albeit a little help," Grimmjow whispered into his ear, making him shiver slightly from the ticklish feel of his hot breath on his ear.

Ulquiorra snaked his arms around Grimmjow's neck behind him and made him lean back some to alleviate how the constant flow will go. "This is very strange for me, so you better not laugh." He turned his head and glared up at him to get his point across seriously. He sighed and began a slow and steady pace of up and down.

"Unh, _faster_," he grabbed Ulquiorra's hips and bucked into him.

"Hold your tongue I said, Sexta." Ulquiorra snapped at him and moved side-to-side inan attempt to find his soft spot.

"What are you…" Grimmjow trailed off when Ulquiorra gasped and shuddered.

"Found it…" he lifted his waist up again and down, this at a faster, yet shorter at leverage, pace.

"_Finally getting the hang of it_?" Grimmjow whispered into his ear once again and bit down on his lobe.

Ulquiorra rolled his eyes (yes, physically) and increased his speed. He leaned his head back against Grimmjow's chest and released a long moan.

"Shit, that's _cold_! I don't really appreciate your cold helm rubbing up against my chest, ya know." Grimmjow looked down into his emerald green eyes.

"_Deal_," he spoke monotonously and closed his eyes, letting a whimper escape when Grimmjow suddenly grabbed his right nipple and pinched in protest. He cracked open his eyes and just stared into Grimmjow's cerulean ones while keeping up his backwards thrusts. "D-do you know, h-how irritating it is, to do a-all of the work and have to d-deal with the waves of please at the s-same time? Awful."

"That's the point—I get to relax," he winked at him and bent down so he could bite into Ulquiorra's neck, sucking and nibbling in every place possible.

"A-ah! S-stop making it h-harder on me, _Sexta_!" He growled, but quickly moaned when he hit his prostate really hard. "Ngh, I can't hold it…anymore…?!"

Grimmjow grabbed Ulquiorra's hard member and placed his thumb over the hole. "_No!_ We cum together this time, babe," he grinned ferally and bucked his hips upward.

"A-aahhhh~, _Grimmjoooooow_, let me cum y-you pretentious…unnnnnh…" Ulquiorra moaned and tilted his head to the left, almost stabbing Grimmjow with his horn as a result.

"Mmmmm you better watch where you move that horn of yours, Ulqui, that thing is sharp," Grimmjow warned him and continued his abuse on his neck.

"Let me cum and this could all be over with," Ulquiorra glared over at the icy-blue tufts of hair brushing against his face and neck.

"Heh, you're not getting away _th_—"He was cut off when a powerful blast of reiatsu overcame them. They both panted and sweated from the power. Grimmjow's hand slipped off of Ulquiorra's cock and they both ended up cumming right when the reiatsu disappeared, still in shock. "W-well that made for a lame afterglow, ne?" Grimmjow lifted his head and looked down at Ulquiorra, who was back to his impassive self in no time.

"I'm just glad it's over. We have to get ready for a meeting now, and I have no time to wash up now." He sighed and pulled off of Grimmjow, wincing from the uncomfortable liquid inside him. "Ew…hopefully this meeting ends quickly." He walked over to the other side of the bed, picked up his uniform and started to dress. "No point in wearing a clean one I suppose…"

Grimmjow hopped off of the bed and began to dress as well, picking up his abandoned booklet and re-pocketing it.

**6**

They exited the room and walked down the hallway in silence. Stark and Lilynette were also in the hallway, Stark on his way to the meeting and Lilynette "escorting" him.

"Grimmjow and Ulquiorra walking side by side…? That's unusual," Lilynette wrinkled her nose and grabbed Stark's hand to run ahead of them.

"Little brat…" Grimmjow growled then shut up again when they reached the meeting room.

"You better not say anything in there," Ulquiorra quickly said before opening the door.

The room was more hectic than usual: Aaroniero fighting with himself (that wasn't unusual), Barragan grumbling about not being number one (again, not unusual), Yammy complaining about the amount of chicken available in the storage not being enough to fill even a mouse (also not unusual); the only thing different about the room was Halibel actually listening to Zommari's meditation advice and Szayelapporos' overall appearance. He was screaming and hissing at Nnoitra to stop laughing at him and how it was his entire fault to begin with. Szayelapporos had had way longer hair than usual pinned up in a ponytail—was it _growing_?—and light pink cat ears and a tail. He was also wearing a slutty maid costume which only enhanced the dirty outlook.

"…this is what happened when you left me like that, and I just want to let you know that I am still not happy about it, _cunt_…!" Szayelapporos huffed and sat down in his chair, crossing his arms and legs. He sank down in his seat when he realized that all eyes were on him, however.

"Everybody sit down so I can share my starter news," Aizen smiled "warmly" at them. "Now that I have your attention…"

Grimmjow rested his head on his left fist and took to watching Ulquiorra intently watch Aizen. _How can he stand to listen to that shit?_ His thoughts wandered to the morning's events and he got horny all over again.

"…Grimmjow, I believe it is your turn to prepare it this time." Aizen brought his attention to the day-dreaming Grimmjow.

"_Huh?_" He snapped out of his reverie and blinked at Aizen.

"The tea."

"The tea?"

"Prepare it."

Oh, the _tea_. He sighed and stood up from his seat. He grumbled irritably, shoved his hands in his pockets, and strode off to the hidden kitchen. His fingers caressed the booklet in his pocket and he grinned. Once inside the kitchen, he pulled out the booklet and tore out a good oral one then prepared the shitty tea, pouring it into eleven cylindrical cups. He placed the coupon underneath one of the cups on the tray then picked up the tray and headed out.

**4**

Ulquiorra watched Grimmjow hand each Espada their cup of tea when Zommari passed him a note from underneath the table across form him. Yes, he passed him a _note_. What were they, high schoolers? He took it and read it, anyhow. It read: "Ulquiorra, what in the world is on your _neck_? I know a hickey when I see one." He turned his head slightly and stared across the table at Zommari, who only nodded at him, and then he turned his attention to Grimmjow as he received his cup of tea. Ulquiorra looked up at Grimmjow and blinked when he set his cup in front of him with a piece of paper under it. It was one of those _coupons._ He quickly lifted up the cup and snatched the paper, hiding it underneath the table. He hoped that Zommari didn't see that little exchange, for that would only increase his suspicions. Unfortunately, he did. Ulquiorra peered down into his lap and the thing, his curiosity getting the better of him even though he _knew_ it wouldn't be good. It read: "Open Up and Say "Ahh": This coupon is good for some oral satisfaction." He looked up at Grimmjow, who in turn just winked at him. _This moron wastes no time whatsoever…_

**8**

Szayelapporos stared into his tea cup; he really didn't want to attend the meeting in his current state and wished he had had the guts to skip it. He sighed and picked up the white mold to take a sip, but suddenly felt a gut-wrenching pain in his abdomen. He gasped in pain and dropped the cup. The sound of shattered glass brought everyone's attention back on him. He covered his mouth with his left hand and shook violently. "I think I'm going to puke…"

"Is something the matter, Szayelapporos?" Aizen's smile had faltered.

Szayelapporos weakly turned his head to face Aizen then rolled his eyes to the back of his head and [finally] passed out, his head slamming on top of the table.

**5**

Silence fell upon the table until Nnoitra decided to break it. "I guess the purple stuff finally took effect."

Everyone turned their attention on Nnoitra, some confused and some disgusted (aka, Halibel and Stark).

"Well, Nnoitra, since you seem to know what the problem is, I put Szayelapporos in your care for now; take him back to his room." Aizen hid his glowering with a warm smile.

_Somehow I think he knows what went down last night,_ Nnoitra grumbled and got out of his seat, scooping up Szayelapporos when he got to his seat and throwing him over his shoulder to hang there.

**6**

_What the hell was that about,_ Grimmjow cocked a fine, blue brow at Nnoitra who shook his head in response as he passed the large table.

"And with that, you all are dismissed," Aizen lifted up his hands in appraisal and smiled "warmly". "Oh, and don't forget to collect and clean the cups, _Sexta_."

"With pleasure, Aizen-_sama_," Grimmjow snarled in sarcasm and picked up his half-full cup as he exited his seat to gather the other ten.

**4**

Ulquiorra slowly lifted from his seat, quickly pocketing the coupon, and watched him gather the cups. Zommari looked down on him and shook his head. "You're the least arrancar I would've expected to be indulging in such perversions, Chico. What a shame, such a shame…"

Ulquiorra lifted up his head and spoke in his usual demeanor, "it was not my choice, but Aizen-sama's for me to hand him that horrible present."

"Who, Grimmjow? I feel for you, Ulquiorra, but think of it this way—at least he is attractive, I mean, what if he had given it to Barragan?" Zommari half-smiled in pity and patted Ulquiorra on the shoulder before he left. "Think about it, Chico." Ulquiorra blinked, _I hope he doesn't go around spreading it, though I doubt a peace-loving arrancar such as him would._

**6**

Grimmjow walked back out with a deep scowl on his face and grew a little wary when he saw Zommari talking with Ulquiorra. _The hell! That's highly unusual._ He walked around the front of the table and met Ulquiorra. "Glad ya waited; let's go." He tilted his head in the door's direction then headed towards it. He and Ulquiorra walked down the hallways for a good five minutes until he realized how long they were. "Shit, we ain't gonna get out of this predicament any time soon, just tend to it now."

"In the middle of the hallway," he remained indifferent somehow even though he was asking a question.

"Why not? I don't think anyone will come by here, anyways." Grimmjow shrugged and leaned against the wall.

"Why do you think so?"

"Because this is freak show's area." And sure enough, just a little beyond them was a door with a gothic number eight on it. "He most likely won't come out after today's incident. What the fuck was with his wear, anyways? Meh, whatever—let's just get to it already I'm fucking horny." He tugged at his sash and let it fall to the floor. Pushing down his hakama and underwear, he pulled out his hard member. Ulquiorra dropped to his knees before him and stared at Grimmjow's erection. He looked up at him and blinked, "what do you expect me to do?"

"Suck on it, lick it, whatever the fuck don't you know what a blow job is?" Grimmjow shrugged and propped his elbow against the wall and rested his head on his fist.

Ulquiorra looked back down at the erection and poked it.

Grimmjow hissed, "don't tease me!" Ulquiorra almost smiled at the response and picked up the erection.

"And I'll have you know that my ass is still very sore from last night and now this morning." He tilted up his head and licked underneath the shaft, also wincing a bit from the odd taste of it.

Grimmjow had let his head fall back against the wall and looked at the ceiling, dimming his eyes. "Tease…"

Ulquiorra ignored him and slowly took in his head, pulled off with a 'pop!', and went back to licking his throbbing length playfully.

Grimmjow moaned and bucked onto him, causing Ulquiorra's horn to jab him in the leg. Grimmjow yelped and pressed back against the wall again. "Fuck, _Ulqui_!" Ulquiorra ignored him still, keeping in his emerging smirk. He took in half of Grimmjow now, teasing him yet. He pulled down to the head again and slowly ran his tongue against it. Although he would never admit it, he actually enjoyed the way Grimmjow reacted to his 'teasing'—it was quite amusing. He started to take in all of Grimmjow now, though, because he anticipated that he was going to "buck like a moose" again and that would've resulted in his cock being _forced_ down his throat at a quick and painful pace.

Grimmjow rubbed up and down the wall in ecstasy, clutching on to some of Ulquiorra's ebony strands of hair. He moaned and bucked into him (again), forcing Ulquiorra to deep-throat him unexpectedly.

_That trash_, Ulquiorra grunted, resulting in vibrations running along Grimmjow's erection. Ulquiorra grabbed Grimmjow's legs to help steady himself and felt him shudder. Ulquiorra pulled almost all the way off then forced Grimmjow's member back in again, making Grimmjow almost lose his balance from the insane pleasure. He eventually stopped teasing and resorted to a continuous flow of bobbing up and down on Grimmjow. He lifted his agnostic emerald orbs to observe Grimmjow's current state and saw he had his hand against his forehead and his eyes squeezed shut, and expression of either concentration or depression to him.

Just as he was about to stop from boredom, Grimmjow smacked his head against the wall and groaned [erotically], releasing into Ulquiorra's throat. Now Ulquiorra happened to be deep-throating him at the time so he ended up swallowing Grimmjow's seed unwillingly. He pulled off with another "_pop!_" and coughed, crawling backwards a bit to get away from him. "Ugh, y-you vile…" He coughed again and closed his eyes, trying to forget about the salty, _bitter_ taste of it. He weakly pushed himself to stand up again and his body visibly shook; he felt three reiatsus heading their way from around the corner. He stepped forward and fell right into Grimmjow's bare chest, but quickly regained his control and tugged at Grimmjow's left arm harshly. "Quickly, let's escape before they reach us and see this awkward scene."

"W-wait!" Grimmjow hurriedly pulled up his boxers and snatched up his hakama and sash from the ground as Ulquiorra forced-led him into a rushed sonído. "_Ulqui…!"_

**3**

Halibel stood in the deserted hallway next to the Primera who had Lilynette on his other side. She had managed to catch the obscene blue hair disappear around the corner as if being rushed to escape the area. Was it because they were approaching, or something else? She closed her teal eyes and attempted to pin-point the reiatsus to identify who all was in the group, but only received two weak responses. That meant they were cloaking them. She reopened her eyes and looked to the number one Espada and soon-to-be-mate, Stark Coyote. "Wonder what that was about." He just grunted and continued forward, more focused on ridding of Lilynette so he could make out with Halibel in peace.

**5**

Nnoitra dropped Szayelapporos onto one of his pink "brain-storm" chairs, tired of lugging around the dead-weight. He rolled his eye and smacked his hands against his parachute hakama, pacing around the room in frustration. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, _fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck—_what the _fuck_…am I gonna do…?!" He grasped onto his long, jet black hair strands and continuously cursed. He slowly inclined his head to turn around and peer at Szayelapporos. He was still passed out and sliding down the puffy chair, too. He frowned and walked over to him, forcing the body to sit in an upright position and stay that way. He sighed as he backed up to examine him. Thankfully, his hair had ceased its bizarre growth rate and just hung in his face, his head slumped forward. Nnoitra cast his eyes to the ground and held his forehead, at a turning point in his short Espada life. _Just what am I doing, anyways? Though I'm not in a relationship with him, it kind of feels like one. But it's just sex! He's just like some kind of temporary fuck buddy is all, yeah, like Loly was for a while until she started whoring around with Menoly. That lesbian…_He lifted his head and cracked his neck from side to side, releasing the tension that had built up in his muscles. He walked over to an empty wheelie chair and pulled it over to sit alongside Szayelapporos, waiting 'patiently' for him to awaken.

Time seemed to pass on alarmingly slow intervals, irritating Nnoitra to the point of slapping Szayelapporos back and forth across the face to wake the freak up.

"What, _WHAT?!"_ Szayelapporos finally woke up and shoved Nnoitra off of him forcefully, utterly pissed at his behavior. He huffed and smoothed back his extremely long bubblegum pink hair and scratched at his pink cat ears, horrifyingly brought back to his current wretched reality. He whined and brought back down his hand when he almost actually cut his new ear, examining his hand. His nails had grown six inches since his slumber and he had to track back to what potion did _that_ to him and why it took so long to take effect.

"Ah, so sleeping beauty finally awakes from her eternal slumber. I'm so happy for you, princess." Nnoitra smiled lecherously at him and Szayelapporos gagged.

"I'd rather not have to see your perverted face at this moment, Quinta, so if you could please leave that would be appreciative; I have a lot of '_things_' to sort out right now that mainly _you_ caused so I suggest you high-tail it before I 'accidentally' spill something on your skin, fucker." Szayelapporos, all out of acting pizzazz, spoke in a somewhat calm tone to the lanky idiot in front of him.

"Oooo, kitty got bite. Meow~ though I don't suggest talking to your superiors in such a fashion, you know what Ulquiorra would say to that." Nnoitra made a motion with his hand and arm as if he was batting at something like how a feline would.

"I am about to lose my wits here—now _GET OUT!"_ Szayelapporos popped a vein and screeched like a harpy at him.

"Tut, tut alright then, but I'll be back reeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaal soon, _my preeeeaaacious~"_ Nnoitra giggled and stood up, prancing out of the lab like some kind of ballerina.

Szayelapporos stood up as well after the creeper was out of sight and walked over to shut his door. Locking it, he banged his head against it right afterwards in frustration. "Why did this have to happen to me, can't I just enjoy my experiments in peace…?" He muttered and let out a long sigh, a depressed aura about him. He lifted his head and wiped at his forehead for sweat had randomly gathered there now. _Dear God, I really need to find out what the hell is going on with me already!_ He swiveled on his heels and walked over to his filing cabinet with a determined stride. _Let's see, purple substances, purple substances…_became his new personal mantra while he flipped through thousands of manila folders and unfiled papers. He finally found a purple folder in his color experiment drawer and pulled it out. It was for colorful experiments that he had forgotten about along the way and were unknown to him so he just labeled them as type 1, type 2, so on and so on. He walked over to his desk and splayed out the many papers hidden inside the folder. Damn, just how many purple experiments had he 'let go'? He counted the papers before reading any further into them to see just how many types he was dealing with here, and came up with a total of eight. He plopped down in his white wheelie chair behind the desk and buried his face in his hands. It could be any of them, and how was he supposed to know just which one?! He'd have to waste several days of observations just on his reactions alone to see if anything more unusual than his current state occurred. He peaked through his fingers down at the papers and frowned. He might as well start on them while Nnoitra was away; he'd rather not have the dolt mess with his work yet again. He rubbed at his eyes once more then set to work, reading each paper as thoroughly as possible.

**Purple Substances**

**Type One:** _Causes perverse turmoil upon the arrancar brain and may result in several one-night stands with fellow arrancars (or humans). Side effects include nausea and possible vomiting._

**Type Two:** _Brings about a similar effect of that of the bubonic plague back in the olden human times in a country by the name of England. Side effects are fairly obvious considering huge boils form on the skin._

Szayelapporos shuddered at Type Two and crossed it out on his little list, almost positive that the effect wasn't the case. He also rid of Type One because he would've 'whored around' by now if that was the experiment. He flipped to Type Three and continued reading animatedly.

**Type Three:** _A sudden foreign feeling is brought about and makes the consumer drowsy with hallucinations of past hardships that caused the consumer great grief. Side effects include possible memory elapses and brain damage._

**Type Four:** _A constant chill overcomes the consumer and the consumer is overwhelmed by sudden anxiety, making it difficult to breath. Side effects include possible permanent damage to the chest._

**Type Five:** _Forms the vital female body part system that provides the miracle life given that it is 'fed' the male's seed (sperm), equipped with ovaries and all. Side effects are quite obvious, except that there is a possible chance for every once a month female 'period' effect._

Type three and four were pretty damn horrifying, but Type five scared him the most. He _had_ been having insane stomach problems earlier. There was just no way that type five was it though—he thought he rid of all of those due to Aizen complaining that it was 'quite unnecessary'. He just thought it would be interesting to accomplish is all, no harm done. Well, at least he _thought_ no harm would come…to him. He sighed and continued down the list, anyways, hoping that he would find a more suitable one to claim as the solution.

**Type Six:** _Explosive headaches are brought upon the consumer and he/she feels faint quite often, bringing about a cause for expulsion if too much stress is resulted. Side effects: death._

**Type Seven: **_The consumer falls victim to the first person the consumer sees and acts like a slave to that character against the consumer's will. Side effects may vary depending on how the consumer handles it._

**Type Eight: **_Consumer obtains rancid stomach acid and receives horrible stomach pains until all of the acid is depleted. Side effects range from permanent stomach problems to intestine problems._

Types six and seven didn't really relate at all to him, but Type Eight was very possible. In fact, it was so possible that he was positive that indeed, _was_ the substance. "Phew—that bastard best consider himself lucky that it wasn't Type five. I could always replace my organs." Szayelapporos wiped at his forehead and awkwardly laughed when cold, long arms snaked around his neck.

"And just who is this bastard you're referring to, babe?" Nnoitra breathed into Szayelapporos' left ear, sending shivers down his spine. He elbowed the pervert in the stomach and quickly gathered up his papers, refusing to let him see his secret files.

"Just who do you think it is ass? Now who said you could enter here without my permission?!" He shoved the papers into the purple folder and retreated over to the color drawer, slipping it back into its rightful spot according to ROY G BIV. Nnoitra pouted behind him and Szayelapporos rolled his eyes. "I still don't want you in here, Quinta, because I still have to fix myself up now, mind you." He glared over at the creeper and placed both hands on his hips, long hair rippling behind him like a pink waterfall. His cat ears also turned back, adding to the pissy effect. Nnoitra burst out laughing, holding his stomach as well and falling to the floor, completing the rolling-on-the-floor-laughing-my-ass-off look. Szayelapporos lifted his nose into the air and strutted over to his own personal bathroom, locking the door behind him. Though he doubt that would help considering Nnoitra managed to get in before and his lab doors were locked. He sighed and set up a calming, Cherry Blossom scented bath. He even threw in little cherry blossoms from the human world to add to the effect and set up cherry blossom scented candles along the edges of the tub. It was a vast rectangular tub, after all, that could keep the candles steady. When the tub was seventy-five percent full, Szayelapporos turned off the faucet and walked around to the other end. He slid his legs cautiously into the tub, the burning temperature sending shivers up his spine. Though that only reminded him of the past Nnoitra event that happened not too long ago and he hurriedly got into the water, wanting to quickly get used to it. He reclined along the tub's floor and back and rested his head against the slight curve at the non-faucet end of the bath tub. He had attached a sleep number pillow to it as well that he obtained from the human world for better relaxation. Excited to drift off to a better scenario than his current one with Nnoitra just outside the door, he crossed his legs and pictured a brand-new lab being handed down to him by Aizen-sama including five sets of never-before-used equipment to enhance his ability for what he loves—experimenting. He smiled and sunk in deeper into the tub, causing a few strands of long, pink hair to cascade down his face and into the water with him. "Mmmm I hope that pervert doesn't come in here…"

**5**

Nnoitra Gilga had expertly picked the pink scientist's lock and crept into his bathroom, silent as an arrancar of his level can be. He approached the seemingly sleeping form and pulled up the side bathroom chair to sit behind his head. He leaned forward until they were face-to-face and breathed down on him by accident, rousing him from his 'slumber'. Szayelapporos lashes fluttered open and Nnoitra only smiled down at him after Szayelapporos' many expression changed from that of shock to anger. "Hey there."

"GET OUUUUUTTT!" He threw up a punch at Nnoitra, who easily dodged it with grace. Nnoitra giggled and retrieved a piece of paper from his pocket.

"_Relax_, I just wanted you to read this." He held the coupon above Szayelapporos' face so he could read it and ran his free hand through his hair. "Since you claim to be in a lot of pain ever since last night's events, I thought I could give you a little break by making you simply _read_ to me. Isn't that nice of me, Szay-Szay?"

Szayelapporos' jaw almost dropped and he snatched the coupon from Nnoitra, crumbling the poor thing in his hand. It had read: "THIS COUPON IS GOOD FOR SOME steamy erotica. I'LL READ WHILE YOU LISTEN." Szayelapporos growled and threw it to the side of the tub angrily, tears brimming around his eyes already. "You fucker…"

**Author's E/N: **I can't tell you how many times I ended up stabbing my poor fellow Grimmjow cosplayer with my Ulqui helm's horn at Colossalcon. Thrice in the eye I think; poor soul. And every time she would say in a serious tone, "you stabbed me again" and we would seldom get laughs from the cosplayers around us. Half of the time I would cut her off, though, because I could feel when I stabbed her—you just _knew_ XD Once in the middle of the Bleach shoot, she got tired of waiting and started sucking on my horn like once in line before. The Bleach cosplayers behind us were all like, "is Grimmjow hungry?" and she's like, "I'm sucking on it, you morons." And the Neliel cosplayer in front of me turned around and was like, 'this isn't yaoi!" So I hugged my Grimmjow friend in protest and stared her and she just flailed. It was hysterical. ^^ I also almost got glomped by a Soi Fon when I separated from my Grimmy to re-apply the lip make up back in the room. I didn't enjoy that, but at least the Soi Fon knew when what the Ulquiorra look meant when I stared at her. It was priceless, but not as hilarious as when my Grimmy partner almost got glomped. All you heard behind us was this roar if "GRIMMJOOOOOOOW!" And this sudden stomping erupted all around us, shaking the earth it seemed. I simply stared at Grimmy and told him to 'run." He did run, and the little chubby midget for a girl stopped next to me and pouted. "Can I have a huuuuug?!" She had asked Grimmjow exuberantly, but suddenly hugged me without permission and man was I pissed. Too bad I couldn't show it. Lucky Grimmy got out of that one, and I was supposed to eb superior to him—what the hell! Stupid trash.

So….wanna type something in the box below? Kudos to whoever actually reviews—I read each and every single one and I hope you all know that it makes my day to know what others think of my work! THANK YOU READERS!


End file.
